Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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