: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
