My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
