It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
