No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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