I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
