Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
