I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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