Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
