like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
