it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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