Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
