I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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