saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
