I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
