your thong is hanging out like whoa
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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