Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
