I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
