he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
