She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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