i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
