As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
