i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He did a backflip because drugs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
