I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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