mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
