I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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