Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
someone owes me an orgasm
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
FUCK WHALES
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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