I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize