yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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