Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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