He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
