it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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