hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
