are you so shy because you have an std?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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