it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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