Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
