okay pat passed out under dana's car
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
