I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
