thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
