i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
