Me. At least after what I've been through.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
