Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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