It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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