I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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