i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
