i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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