Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
