He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
