i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
