Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
