there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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