And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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