ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
