Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
