I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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