Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
