Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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