my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
