they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
