After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
