The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
