At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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