i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
