Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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