I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
