my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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