you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
