Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
