Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You can't just leave with hair like that
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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