i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
