shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
someone owes me an orgasm
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
