she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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