One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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