He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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