Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
God, I missed his penis.
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