Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
